no im not in love. no way. just.. *sigh* today i saw someone for the first time in a while.. like well ok i saw him about 3months ago, but i actually spent time wit him, in his own.. environment, if you wanna say.

at the risk of sounding like a total obsessed freak, ima write down everything that im feeling - in an attempt to sorta.. figure my feelings out. no idea really. neway. here's what happened; worked today -730-230. was ok. time went fairly quick, although around the 1ish mark, time has a habit of going real slow.. lol neways. around 220, was serving, and yeh mum came in wit maureen. so yeh ended up going to the gym, n she n mum went fruit shopping.

neways. after gym dropped maureen at glenz place *thats where she  lives now* - on the way there, like going thro Ryde.. oh man it bawt back memories. going down the same road every single Saturday for like over a year.. neway. i know now where he lives.. lol but no offence.. its sorta like.. hobo ville. neway wait. lol. dropped her off.. and shes like *wanna come in? so yeh mum got out of the car >< sorta hoped she wouldnt. but than again, i wanted to see what their place was like... ok its like an apartment block- real.. ew.. lol ok im being mean.. just its way different from where they used to live.. just up the road really.. *sigh* outside was his truck *wats left of it neway -the backz gone lol* n his bike.. his sexy blue bike lol. neway. we got to the door, n shes like *not sure if glenniez here, should be* arrgh.. n yup sure enough, walkd in, and *coz the flat is so small* the front door openz right to the lounge, and there he was..sprawld across the lounge.. .that same lounge..

me n mum walkd in.. so akward.. he said hello.. of course.. n yeh, i was like *heeey.. mum went to the bathroom, so it was just me maureen n him for a few mins. total awkwardness. sat down in the rocking chair.. i so remember that lol -its so comfy. and yeah. finally mum came back, n i went in, didnt have to go the bathroom ofcourse.. just wanted to get.. out of there.. lol its so small n cramped that uno.. ur full.. in each others faces. the bathroom. so totally gross, lol (lynx-green hangover one)* but yeh.. than walkd out.. of course.. mum had to sit on the only single chair.. SO it meant i had to sit nxt to glen.. ARGH. lol well we were on two seperate sides of the couch.. but still.. oh man. wearing shortz n a shirt. talkd a bit.. maureen lol so funny, running around, getting cofee.. i had a pepsi.. like him.. lol talkd bit, he was watching the Grandfather; mum talking bout the races *wat's new?* n like we had the usual family talks LOL bout nan, n marie.. etc. man. i lookd so crap. wearing my GYM clothes. great. i wanted him to see me, wit my new weight loss. just really u couldnt see AT ALL coz i was wearing my baggy trackies! argh! KILL ME.

oh well i dont care. not wanting to impress him. ok thats a lie.

i do want to.

uno im writing this only because i need to get it off my chest. bn on my mind all arvo, soon as i got in the car i msged people. just.. it reminded me why i loved him so much. i dont think il ever b able to .. escape him. i think about him all the time. not like that tho; just like yesterday! i didnt even know i was gonna see him, yet i was listening to my ipod *wats left of me* n he was on my mind.

sitting there nxt to him reminded me so much of before all the shit that happened, happened. when we were just friends, normal-ness. but than.. there wasnt that awkwardness. still has the cute feet.. especially the big toe. lol god im sucha.. idiot. why do i notice these things? still has the same signature.. signed the foxtel magazine. he was a bit.. tense at first? like uno, stuck firmly to one side.. but than he full layed out? so hopefully.. he felt ok. i shouldnt even be writing this, coz if neone read it n he found out.. he'd get totally pissed off -he got so mad when i said i was over him, when i wasnt. but i am. im just.. i miss him. fuck fuck fuck FUCK. why do i have these stoopid feelings?

i sound like an EMO! lol neways. holidays peoples! officially start 2morrow! its a public holiday *not working! dammit. working wednesday tho, wen the crew day out is on! lol another dammit. neway. i better go. getting tired. broncos won! woohoo!